So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Never joke about your clitoris.
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