So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
