bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
