I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
