Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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