i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
