don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
