I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
