i need an iv and a liver transplant
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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