This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
