You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
