he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
