I'll bet she douches with gravy.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
