I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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