Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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