I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
