I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
