Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
