there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
