Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
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