i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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