If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
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