I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
