Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
why do cheetos always look like penises
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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