I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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