kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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