my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
