Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
