i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
