You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize