What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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