I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
