he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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