Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
