You can't motorboat a personality
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
