guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
it glows. i had to have it.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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