is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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