i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
