There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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