Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
