Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
