I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
