i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
