My hand turned me down
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
