Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
