We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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