I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
