I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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