thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Everclear isn't food dammit
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
