I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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