I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I am never drinking with the goths again.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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