He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
