it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
