it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
cat food counts as protein by the way
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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