sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
