why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
