You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
