Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
it was like eating out sand paper
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
