in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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