someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
