so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
