I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
