Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
