Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
