pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
