i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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