I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
