I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
