If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
