I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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