Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
