OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
