Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize