that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
