Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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