barbara walters just said penis...
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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