Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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