I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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