the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
