she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
