i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
