mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
you are never too drunk for berry picking
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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